Don't all of us love our children? Let's show it

On one bright morning as I was driving, I suddenly came across an unusual bumper sticker on the car directly ahead, which jolted me out of my reverie. It said "DID YOU HUG YOUR CHILD TODAY?" The bold, red letters stared at me. I changed lanes. Minutes later, the bumper sticker reappeared, insisting that I face the question. I shivered as I recalled that I had not hugged my child that day. And I wasn't really certain about the day before either.

Feeling more like a monster than a mother, I decided to find out how other parents would respond to the question that had shaken me so. At our next parents' group meeting at the school, I wrote DID YOU HUG YOUR CHILD TODAY? in huge capital letters on the black board and waited for their reaction. Nearly everyone pretended as if they hadn't seen the question. Finally, probed by a few parents who dared to face themselves, we spent the next two hours being scrupulously - and sometimes painfully - honest. Almost all of us admitted that we hadn't hugged our children that day, in fact many of us realized that hugging was generally out of style. We were quick to criticize our children, but slow to compliment them. We often admired them, but seldom expressed our admiration. Bit by bit, we uncovered the reasons as to why our behaviour as parents failed to demonstrate our real feelings for our children.

A hug isn't simply an embrace. Not so. I realized that my children feel like they are hugged when I prepare their favourite dish. We concluded that a tone of voice can be a hug. So can a smile, a wink a squeeze of the hand, a ruffling of the hair, an arm across the shoulder, a note on the pillow, or a simple whispered "Good luck". Some parents especially fathers, seem embarrassed by any display of affection. Worse still, they are even afraid of spoiling their children with praise. Yes, parent often worry about their children developing inflated opinions of themselves. But, in fact when we don't express appreciation they might end up having low self-esteem.

Fortunately, there are ways to train ourselves to appreciate and hug our children. Sometimes the praise may come easily, but the child who is hardest to hug needs it the most. So make hugging your child the daily ritual. Parents who have lost a child acquire a viewpoint that offers a lasting message for every mother and father. When I see parents impatient, bored or tired of their children, I wish I could say to them, "But they are alive, what if...?"

A mother who lost her son (aged 17) to brain cancer wrote these words: "Never have I felt the wonder, beauty and joy of life so keenly as now in my grief that my son is not here to enjoy them." We have to embrace our children with a little added rapture and a keener awareness of joy. Any parent who does so will never have to change lanes again, when confronted with the question, "DID YOU HUG YOUR CHILD TODAY?"

** Check also a special tip for parents **

Hugging Experience (a comic) Back to previous page