Wonders of hugging

Here you may ask anything you have ever wanted about hugging. Our experts will answer your wonders as soon as possible.

I really like giving n' getting hugs, so when my psychology teacher told us we could do anything for our semester project, I thought it would be wonderful to do it on hugs! So do you know any specifics on the positive phsychological effects of hugs? Thank you very much! :o)
address:Belltink1@aol.com

Start reading the pages of hugging site. Especially experience section and if you wanna get more scientific then have a look on the books listed on our references.

Hi, My question is, is there something wrong, if I want to be hugged all of the tim\ e (especially by my mother). I mean is that abnormal? I'm only like this with m\ y mom mostly.
address:ekinchen@yahoo.com

I don't think so. However if you are troubled by the way you feel, there is definetely something you'd like to be differently. Work on it and things may change (either you or others will change)

Hi.
I have a crush on this guy (I think he has a crush on me too.) Well, every time\ we see each other, we hug each other. When we do hug sometimes, his chest is e\ xpanded and is tight. He squeezes me and it feels so good and warm. For some re\ ason, we hug each other a lot this past semester. One time at a dance, he was a\ pproaching me and I said hi to him. I didn't hug him. Then he went into the kit\ chen (where I was sitting by) came out and hugged my friend who was standing ne\ xt to me. He then said hi to me again, and I got up to hug him. When I did, he \ didn't face forward but sideways, so I ended up hugging him with my lips touchi ason, we hug each other a lot this past semester. One time at a dance, he was a\ pproaching me and I said hi to him. I didn't hug him. Then he went into the kit\ chen (where I was sitting by) came out and hugged my friend who was standing ne\ xt to me. He then said hi to me again, and I got up to hug him. When I did, he \ didn't face forward but sideways, so I ended up hugging him with my lips touching his cheeks (or the area where men shave). I didn't kiss him. My mouth was ju\ st pressed against his cheeks. I really can't make further moves because of his\ authority. Also, one time I was talking to him alone, and before we left, we h\ ugged each other. After we hugged, he asked me a question (with my arms I think\ still around him) but we didn't do anything. Sometimes, he is dying to hug me and seeks me out to give me a hug. His hugs are so warm, sweet and cuddly. Thats all I daydream about. Ok, we hug each other a lot and I was just wondering, based on my observations \ what your opinions are. Does this guy have something for me? Is he interested i\ n my sexually and what does he want? How can you tell if a guy likes you by the way he hugs? Thanks and sorry for th\ e long email.

address:molten81@hotmail.com

The easiest way to solve 'problems' such as yours is to have straight-forward discussion with the people concerned. Try asking him what those hugs mean for him. Also be prepared to tell him, how you feel about your hugs. Perhaps they are just innocent hugs. However, they may also include sexual harassment (which I hope not) or sexual interest from either or both sides. This can't be interpreted straight from the real acts, because they are always part of some bigger meaning structures which we live our everyday lives in. That's why talking and sharing is so important!

I am a 17 year old female student and I've never been hugged by my family, however, I don't think that I'd really want to. Although I was never hugged in my youth I have always wanted to hug other people, especially people who I feel close to,(but no relations). I don't have very much self-confidence and I constantly worry about what people will think of me if I hugged them. I've only been hugged about 4 times in my whole life, and 2 of them were from the same person, a female teacher. Once was when I was very upset and she let me cry on her shoulder, and the other was when I passed my exams (both times were very heart warming!). Well to get to the point: What I really would like to know is 1) Why do I not want to be hugged/touched by relatives who I should be close to? 2)Why do I love being hugged by a teacher that I only see for a short period of time a week? My teacher is quite tactile and uses touch a lot. Do you think this could be why (because I know that she wouldn't turn me away if I initiated a hug) I can't understand why I feel like this, it feels so wrong. Please help me, I want to hug loads, but because of my above experience I feel that I can't!
address: harraway@harrawayj.freeserve.co.uk

Often our social ties are so strong with the people next to us that it makes it difficult to change acts we perform with them. We often rely on traditions and habits we are used to. Giving a hug may in this way be difficult to make part of our communication if it hasn't been there before.... Anyhow, it is not impossible! Go on and change your relationships, if it feels important!

what kinds of hugs are there and what do they indicate? what type of hug should you give to an elder? a boyfriend? Thanx!
address:SAL1472@aol.com

You can find some short descriptions of different type of hugs for example on this site. Try different hugs and find the most suitable ones for different people and situations!

would you hug a women who you had just met if you felt that she was troubled?
address:smithr0@ren.gmcc.ab.ca

It's better to appreciate one's desire to feel comfortable than to offend him/h\ er.

When I hug someone should I turn my head to my left so that his face is over my right shoulder or should I turn my head to my right so that his face is over my left shoulder? I have found it embarassing, especially when hugging someone of the same sex, when both of us turn our heads and end up having to quickly dodge the other's face. I find myself trying to avoid hugging other women because I'm afraid they will think I'm a Lesbian and that I'm trying to kiss them. I'm afraid nobody will feel comfortable giving me a hug after I've been klutzy and almost rubbed faces with them.
address: ness@runestone.net

Learn a new perspective or attitude towards hugging: it doesn't matter how you do it as long as you do it! Laugh at dodging other's face - see the comedy in the situation and don't let it put you down! Dodging faces /heads together don't make anyone lesbian as it doesn't make anyone heterosexual either, if someone thinks so - let her / him think so, but don't bother yourself with it.

i have a problem with a good friend of mine. He's a very emotionally detached, restrained person whereas I'm an open and physically affectionate person who tends to greet my friends with a hug and sometimes a kiss. He finds it very difficult to let people physically close to him, even me, and hugs are awkward and sometimes one way. Any ideas on how to hug him in a less awkward way?
address:phantasmagoric@talk21.com

Some people like to have more distance than others. Try to appreciate that distance - or at least don't force other people into hugs. However, try to communicate about the difficulties of not liking physical contact. It may draw you closer to each other that just 'plain' hugs. And still remember that hugging as well as not hugging is LEARNT and these habits can always be RELEARNT and changed.

My mom recently heard of some kind of "hug club." She said that a variety of people go around giving hugs to people who need them. Then they would give tokens or something for more hugs when they need another. Have you heard anything about this or is my mom just nuts? If it is real, id like to get involved somehow.
address:darkangel216@hotmail.com

I have heard about people giving hug tokens as you described. Unfortunately, we don't know if this type of action is organized in any way.

I was never a hugging kind of person. About 3 months ago I meet this man and I can't get enough of his hugs. He hugs like nothing I have experienced before. Why is this?
address: BUDDETTE@prodigy.net

Right time, right place, right people, right kind of HUG!!

Well recently, a girl whom i like asked me to hug her, we were chatting on the p hone then. I really wanted to but we are so far away, So i promise to hug her th e next time we meet. But the next time we meet, i didn't have the "Guts" to hug her, I don't know why.
address: bigfish@cyberway.com.sg

Don't worry, one day you'll have the courage to hug. It's only a matter of time.

I have a friend who I would like to hug but he is to tall. I do not want him to feel bad if i ask him to bend over o r just hug his stomach what should i do?
address: mlevette@hotmail.com

Hug him on the stairs (you standing on the upper step) or just hug him and don't care where...

Can hugging someone attract them to you?
address: LuvnJC22@aol.com

Yes, it certainly can. So be conscious of your acts!

Is it okay for two friends of the opposite sex to hug each time they see each other?
address: Bftfan5498@aol.com

Yes, as long as the friend understands what's happening and s/he doesn't feel insulted or confused

In answer to the person who said he/she didn't receive any hugs in college, this can change. I for one have joined a student's society where I have made some great friends who I can hug and touch as much as I like. Although there is one guy who seemes to like me a bit too much and it's a bit harder for me to let him hug me and for me to hug him, still it feels real good to hug the people there, so my advice to this (I think) very sad person is: see if you can find any student's society like Hendrik de Cock in Groningen (The Netherlands) where you feel at home and your hugging problems will definitely be solved!
address: l.tijdink@let.rug.nl

it was told to me that hugging stops the child from using his/ her mind by letting the emotions take control of the situation, what do you think?
address: wongr002@hawaii.rr.com

I don't believe in seperating emotions from the state of mind (neither do i believe in separating mind from body). So, I don't think that hugging stops you using your mind nor do I think that using your mind would stop emotions. I believe hugging takes place in different situations so it is the situation which creates hugging - some situations are better, some worse. We can have some control over those situations by glueing mind and emotions together and acting as we were total human beings...

My question is this. Does anyone know the name of or anything about the wonderful woman who started the following. This woman dresses in a teddy bear costume and goes to nursing homes and hugs the elderly. I am sure I read about it in the Reader's Digest or something. I am trying to ] find out more about it so that I may start the same sort of thing in my town. I love hugs and giving them to people who need them is the best!! Please respond to twish@st1.wou.edu if you know. Thanks!
address: twish@st1.wou.edu

There is one thing in my life that I love more than anything I can think of. Well, A while back I spent the night at my best friends house. I came into his room late at night and Layed with him all night. We didn't do anything,but we just held each other and hugged for so long. He was so warm and comfortable and I just loved it so much . I spend the night at his house often and I would like to be able to sit in his arms and fall asleep again like that night but the thing is....I'm going out with someone right now. Yeah, I like this person but the hugs just aren't the same. All I can think about is wanting to be hugging my best friend again. Even though there isn't anything physical with me and my best friend anymore I so want to spend another night in his arms. Would this be wrong? It was the sweetest sensation of my life..a simple hug, but i know I'll savor it forever. The thing is I've always been way closer with my best friend than I have with anyone. Circumstances just will not let us be together.Should I keep it that way or go for it despit me going out with this other guy? Maybe I'm asking a question that is way out of this league but If someone can help. please right back. Thank you. (-:
address: sammypayne@hotmail.com

This question is very much up to you. It's a type of situation where it is very hard to make up general rules or so. What is it you want from life? Is it hugs, friendship, love, or what? If it is only about hugs with the friend of yours, is it then possible to explain this to the one you are going out right now? Would he understand and accept it, or would it end the relationship? Whatever you decide to do, it's good to make decisions in a way you won't regret them some time after. So, if you now think you will regret something, then do it otherwise.

why do people hug?

In order to achieve and live in better life quality

I was wondering about the affects of the lack affection, namely hugs, on the elderly and infants. What happens when they aren't hugged and given affection? Does affection, in any way, increase life length?
address: sweetthing_6@hotmail.com

There are hard facts showing that human touch can increase life lenght. However, many people don't take this seriously. In comparison, everyone knows that smoking shortens life, but still many people smoke. This is why it is important to say that hugs have more power in increasing the life's quality than it's lenght.

When should u hug a guy(if he's not your boyfriend)?

Whenever you feel like it! There are no strict rules about hugging, so you may invent your own hugging habits.

Is there a certain way guys like to be hugged?

Who wants to answer this??? I would say that there as many ways as there are different type of situations and people.

my old roomate & i have been friends forever. she relies on me too much & i'm the person she thinks she should lay her problems on. and she always wants a hug & i feel obligated to hug her. i hate to hug her because she makes me feel so awkward. she is a a christian & all, but i wonder if she has a crush on me. what do I do? i don't feel comfortable with her wanting to hug me so much. but i feel bad because she seems to have so many problems. what should i do? maybe just not talk to her anymore?

Take it easy. People have their problems and they will always have some problems, because life is not trouble free. So don't make up your own problems from other people's problems. However, I don't think it is a good solution to stop talking to her. More the opposite: you might talk to her about your confused feelings.. And finally, you don't need to hug if it feels like an obligation. You can always politely turn her down by saying 'I do care, but I'm not feeling good about hugging ALL the time.'

What is the effect n0n-hugging norms on society? Are societies that don't hug more violent? Do they have higher suicide rates than societies that encourage hugging? What is the sociologicall function of a hug? Who invented the Politically Correct hug?

A hug functions in a way that it often builds up coherence within the participants. In this way, hugging can reduce intergroup as well as interpersonal conflicts. Hugs may also work as images of some positive living. People making commercials have long ago realized that to use family appeal in their advertisements, it's always more effective if the ad includes hugs.
Suicides and their connection to hugging. A difficult question. As suicide rates are higher in individualistic societies than in societies with more communal action, it is quite reasonable to assume that as far as hugging builds up coherence and stronger relationships between individuals and groups it also reduces suicital rates. It's harder to think about connection between violence and the lack of hugs. Maybe.
I have seen too many Politically Correct hugs to give any name for the one who has invented it. It's a shame that hugs are used as weapons in political game.

What makes one crave hugs? I didn't have hugs as a child, then after 3 wonderful kids & loving husband I crave hugs. I would get them everyday from them, but sometimes it was not enough. This scared me & I didn't understand it. I was ashamed. I decided to ask my ministers for a hug cause I though it would be safe. I was turned down, which made me feel like a tramp. This was a few years ago & I'm still having problems asking & letting my guard down. What makes one crave hugs? Why do I seem to be ok & other times that's all I can think about.

Some people say it's in our biology, some say it's all cultural or social. Honestly, there is no clear-cut answer to the question why one craves for hugs. However, it is quite clear that hugs are more permitted in some situations than in others. For example in institutional setting (which could be the case with your minister as well) hugging involves so many negative associations that it becomes quite difficult to judge the situation. It might be difficult to hug for example in a situation where your hugs could be interpreted as sexual harassment by someone. Ask for hugs and continue to give hugs whenever you feel like it. However, if you are turned down, don't take the situation as a personal insult, because it can as well be a matter of situation and context.

How do I go about overcoming my stand-offishness attitude towards hugging? I really love giving hugs and being hugged, but something is holding me back. What should I do? Thank You! Puzzled potential hugger address: 41e4gielent@vms.csd.mu.edu

You got everything you need for hugs, since You already have a positive attitude towards hugging! That's marvelous. Just relax and take your time. Hurrying is never good. Hugging will appear by itself when you don't become too concerned about it. Keep smiling and LIVE FOR IT!

I am trying to find the originator of a hugging quote. The quote, as I have heard it goes something like this, "It takes 4 hugs a day to survive, 8 hugs a day to maintain, and 12 hugs a day to grow." Does anyone have any info on who, where, and how I can get in touch with this person? Thanks!!!
I have heard and read the quation many times, too. However, we haven't been able to locate its origins. Anyone, who might know it, please, mail us. Got the answer - VIRGINIA SATIR. And another answer arrives saying: "There is a reference to that quote in the book "Living, Loving\ and learning" by Dr. Leo Buscaglia. He claims it is from Dr. Bresler at the University of California at Los Angeles Pain Clinic."

is it ok to ask for a hug for no special reason? address: quackieduckie@rocketmail.com

No reason is the best reason!!

I have a crush on this guy. We are pretty good friends, and one day I asked him if I could have a hug. He said that he wasn't really the kind of person that gives hugs. I can hug his best friend (of nine years) but I can't hug him. Is there anything I can do about it?? It would mean so much to me to be able to hug him.
address: operationeyes@hotmail.com

I wonder what type of person is the one who give hugs? No one is for hugging unless s/he learns to share hugs. It's better not to give hugs in order to gain better feeling for oneself. However, you might ask your friend to hug you when you are in a need of one. He might even understand it.

In response to the person whom said that they "didn't know how to hug" because their parent's never really hugged them as a child. I had the same problem untill recently, my parent's never really showed all that much emotion towards me. For me, learning how to hug was just a matter of being with the right person at the right time. And since then, I've been doing just great with hugs, no complaint's here :)
address: kevin_mccoy@hotmail.com

I love getting hugs but, I am in college now and there is no one who will hug you for no reason. I have soon discovered;however, that the days I feel worst is when I want the hugs the most. Can a person ever get enough hugging?
Hopefully you will never get enough of hugging. Every time when people change around us we find ourselves confused when we don't know whom to hug or who could hug us. However, in most of the cases after some time has passed, we will discover those huggable people... Good luck {{ }}

There's this one guy teacher at my school, and I always get teased by him and my friends that I like him. He recently got an interest in hugging me. Can you tell my why?
He may just be friendly man to you (read the hugging experience at section IV). Of course there is change of sexual attraction as well. If you feel this or any other way that you don't like his hugs then just stop the hugs before they become a routine for you /him. On the other hand if you like hugging and it feels good in this case, then don't mind what the other people tell you about hugging relationships.

I was wondering, how long you should you hug when you are hugging somebody you don't like, say an aunt or somebody)? It's good to give at least a short hug. How about one second?

i hug my friends whenever i greet them and we are all really close, the thing is one of my newer friends is a great person i think he's super, but i can't help but cringe everytime he hugs me, there's absolutely nothing with him, and he's the greatest but i can't stop from pushing him away and yet i don't know why i do it.... any ideas? i really hate it because it hurts his feelings and that's the last thing i want to do.

It might be that in some ways he reminds you of some not too good things from your past. Those things have nothing to do with this new person in your life, but they have an effect on the way you feel about hugging. You could try to go on by discovering of yourself and making it clear to your friend that there is nothing wrong with him. By the time you become concious about your emotions you have a strong weapon to get over with bad feelings, too. Good Luck and Hugs.

Hello there, I see a book named Hug Therapy 2 on your site but I cannot find a place that sells it. Do you know of a place that sells it?

General bookstores should have it. You can ask them to check it out when you know the name of the book, author and the publisher. In a case they don't, you can ask them to order it.

Kathleen Keating: Hug Therapy 2. CompCare Publishers, Minneapolis 1987.

Hello! How can i show the boy i like that i really like him, and wants him to be more than a friend to me? What kind of hug? Thank You.
-friendly hug-

what kind of hug do you give a girl that you like but she doesnt know you like her?

Squeeze him/her a little bit longer and tighter than would squeeze your other friends!

This is my senior year in high school and since the beginning of last year I've had a crush on one of my teachers. I really don't know why I feel this way about him, but there is something about him that makes me blush even if he just looks at me or talks to me. At the end of the school year, I would love to give him a hug. Even if it lasted just two seconds, it would mean so much to me. Is it a bad idea to hug a teacher or inappropriate? I'd appreciate your opinion very much. Thank you.

Yes, of course you can give him a hug. But be careful about not expecting anything else of it.

My parents hardly ever hugged me while growing up. Now I find it difficult to hug anyone because "I don't know how." As a result I have lost out on romantic relationships. I blame my parents for this, is this wrong?

Blaming your parents is not going to help you. You can't get your childhood undone. On the other hand, it is a very good point that you have already figured out some explanations for not knowing how to hug. By understanding yourself you have the best possible oppurtunity to learn how to hug.
Starting to learn is not always easy. However, learning to hug is just as rewarding as hugging itself. So far you haven't really lost anything. You just have a little bit more to learn than for those who have been hugged forever.

How could I hint to my friend that sometimes I just want a hug? If I just hugged her out of the blew I think it would be very shocking and if I asked her for a hug I have a feeling she would think I'm a lesbian or something?

Have a talk with her! Ask what she thinks about hugging, lesbianism and so on. Appreciate her values and try to figure out how they were established so that you could understand her point of view.

what is the world record for the longest hug?

Even Guinness Book of Records doesn't have any claims for the longest hug. For kissing it is more than 17 days. Kissing that long is very difficult because you end up getting blisters. Hugging doesn't involve that type of side-effects,so we would suspect that it's possible to hug even longer. But how long? No one knows. You could try establishing the first record and mailing it here!

What are the rules about hugging?

It's very hard to define any specific rules, but maybe just principles for hugging. You can find those principles on this Hugging Site. Be sensitive to the situation, space, context, another person, yourself etc.

What does it mean when a woman is hugged by a male friend who rubs her back during the hug?

Maybe the male is affected to this female and wants in this way to show that he is willing to comfort and share even the bad feelings with her. Rubbing one's back while hugging makes blood to run faster in vital organs. It's good and helps one to prevent heart attacks!

I am a college student and i am doing a persuasive speech on the positive effects of hugging and why hugging is important. Can you give me some ideas, fact, statistics?

You could check out hugging books written by Kathleen Keating (Hug Therapy I, II etc.) There are not too many studies concntrated plainly on hugging. Especially statistics and numeral information is quite hard to find. However you can find qualitative studies. Those studies normally focus on general therapymethods and include some sort of section of hugging. And please check out our resource page when it gets ready.

My roommate in college can't hug anyone. He says he can only think about how terrible he is and that the person that's hugging him is hugging slime. Actually, he an incredibly nice, incredibly good-looking guy that is one of the most incredible people I've ever met. Consequently, he says he doesn't know how to hug, and from experience, I know this is the truth. He seems so nervous and awkward. HOW CAN I HELP THIS GUY???

Most of us feel very nervous of hugging if we are not used to it. Fortunately hugging is something that can be learnt. Many times the problem for hugging can be our own self-esteem. How can I feel good about hugging (receiving or giving)if I don't even feel good about myself in any other way? So, you could first try to build up your friend's self-esteem before you go for straight action.

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